Slut Shaming

Did I tell you about the time my poor dear daughter was slut shamed in front of the church lunchroom? My 21 year old daughter, my 21, working, engaged to be married daughter was standing with her fiance at the front of the lunchroom. The lunchroom was a very busy place before church. Because of the meal people would go down there before the service and set up their table and drop off their food at the kitchen to keep things warm until after the service. This isn't a quiet-out-of-the-way-spot. Just the opposite. My daughter and her husband to be were chatting at the front of the room, in a very busy spot, and he had his hand on her waist, like soon-to-be-married-twenty-somethings do.

Suddenly one of the deacons manifests himself before, getting right into her face, and starts in with confronting her about the amount of touching that was appropriate before marriage. The horrible example they were setting, the innocence of the children being shattered all around. He was very angry and my daughter was completely thrown off guard because he always seemed nice before. His anger was the thing she most remembered. It seemed so weird and out of proportion. 

She ran from the room crying.

She was treated like a 14 year old girl getting caught being felt up in a janitors closet rather than a 21 year old about to be married. 

He had his hand on her waist. What kind of mind gets all in a tither over that? 

This same daughter went with a family we trusted to Family Camp one year. We didn't have enough money for us all to go, but her friend invited her to stay with their family and we were glad at least she could go and have some fun. She was 18 or 19 and she and her husband to be were getting more interested in each other at this time. I did make some rules for the trip, but the rules were as much for establishing the fact that they were fine to talk and hang out together because Family Camp was notorious for rumors and people freaking out over couples. I hoped I made it clear that they were fine to talk and visit. 

Her sister was about fifteen and she also got to go, but with a different family. 

Friday, late morning my husband got a call from the father of the family my oldest was staying with. He was bringing her home and he had my husband take off work and meet him in a town halfway. My husband told me he was going to get her. I thought "Oh, no, what on earth did she do?" What on earth could she have done? She was a pretty obedient kid, never did anything awful.. We wouldn't have sent her if we didn't think she was completely trust-worthy. 

So my husband goes off and retrieves her, bundled off in shame from Family Camp. 

I mean being sent home from Family Camp is a pretty big deal, and something that would be terribly shameful to the kids in this church, where honoring parents and adults in general was a big deal. There would be all kinds of rumors, there are always a lot of rumors around. 

Well, my little guy wants me to take him to the pool so I guess you'll have to wait for tomorrow to find out what shocking thing she did.