Yes, Slut Shaming

When my husband and daughter came home I was sitting at the table doing schoolwork with my younger kids. She sat next to me and waited until I could give her my whole attention to tell me her story. She had thought things were going fine all week. She was told to check in with the oldest daughter (twenty something) but she figured that was a check in thing and she was fine with that. (This daughter was quite a bit older, so they weren't really friends, but they knew each other.) The problem was apparently on Thursday. She was hanging out with a group of about 10 people, including an adult member of the family she was staying with. The guy she was interested was sitting next to her, but about a foot away. (there's even a photo.) They were joking around about something and................


HE REACHED OVER HIS HAND AND POKED HER IN THE SIDE WITH HIS FINGER.


This was her deed. She was poked in the side. Hear me people???? She was POKED.

Through her clothing. Not even bare skin. He poked her.

And she told him "Don't" and got up and moved. (I drilled her before she left on how freaked out people at family camp were.)

Evidently that escalated into some sort of rumor that they had been rolling in the meadow, tickling.

Gossip is terrible in that church. But what makes it really bad is that the elders will often listen to it and act on it without clarification. Especially when it involves the kids or teenagers because everyone knows they are probably guilty! And if the parents try to stick up for the kids they are told they can't really know what their kids are up to. And if you try to counter at all they'll tell you that you aren't open to facing your sin and THAT THE HEART IS DESPERATELY WICKED AND WHO CAN KNOW IT?

So, Thursday night, she had no idea why, but she felt like the family she was staying with were a little cold to her. Why the son who was sitting right there when this all happened didn't stick up for her I will never understand. (To be fair, he did apologize later.)

Friday morning they told her they needed to talk and took her out to the deck. They confronted her with the rumor and she told them what had happened. She figured she was just clarifying. They lectured her on appearances, (this is important-appearances.) how we're supposed to avoid even the appearance of anything evil (what evil was she appearing as?) Then the daughter told her she wasn't following the rules, wasn't checking in enough. She mentioned a day she hadn't checked in enough and my daughter said that was because she was with her most of the day that day.


It escalated, got more confusing, she looked to her friend, the one that was with her (when she was poked) and he looked away.


Finally it was decided she would have to stay right next to the father of the family or they would just have to take her home.


So, she was already the victim of gossip, and they wanted her to shamefacedly follow a older middle aged man around and basically admit her guilt to the rest of the camp because she couldn't be trusted to go off and be with her friends. When he was joining his friends chatting, she would have to sit there and let them all stare at her and wonder what she could have done (if they hadn't already heard the horrible, horrible tickling tale.)


Not surprisingly, she said she wanted to go home. So, she was trundled off in shame, the father bemoaning the fact that he would miss chapel and breakfast and the daughter mocking her as she cried alone in the back seat.

They wouldn't let her find her sister and tell her what was happening. They wouldn't tell her sister who was worried and wondering, just said "She's been sent home."

Nobody told the guy about anything. Of course he had no right to know-he was the terrible boy who HAD POKED HER IN THE SIDE THROUGH HER CLOTHING FROM A FOOT AWAY.

More next time.